chance

So, lately my situation in general has been pretty bleak. I've tried making the best of things, tried enjoying the people I'm living with (my family) while I'm here...and sometimes it works. Sometimes I enjoy myself quite a lot being here. But for the most part I can't stop thinking that making the choice to live here for this year was the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.

My sweet little girl is suffering the most. This whole living situation is just not right. She and I share a bedroom. A very small bedroom. She has literally no bedtime routine because we have the TV in our room and it totally ruined everything. Sometimes we get away with no TV, reading a story and the traditional tuck-in from the "old days" (when we had our own place), but usually it's a battle - one I'm not always willing to fight.

Add onto that the fact that she still isn't potty trained, for numerous reasons, and has no solid schedule because this HOUSE has no solid schedule, and I'm ready to tear my hair out.

So when Joe calls me and tells me we have the chance to rent a house starting July 09, I am more than ready to jump on it. I mean like, I wish we could move tomorrow ready. So ready.

A house would mean a lot of things. It would mean my own washer and dryer (and not having to lug my shit out the door and down the street to a public laundromat with a 3-year-old in tow). It would mean having my own front door and not having to share common space with questionable neighbors. It would mean not having to suffer the sounds of people stomping around above my head while I'm trying to take a nap with Eleana, or even read a freaking book in silence.

However, it would also mean I would HAVE to get a job. I am NOT opposed to getting a job by any means...it just terrifies me that this job I get (which will be a miniscule and nearly meaningless retail job for sure, unless I'm lucky and snag some sort of office job doing paperwork) could be what decides if we pay our electric bill one month. I'm finally realizing how Joe feels, how it feels to have people's lives depend on your paycheck.

I'd be willing to make sacrifices to have a house - no cable/phone for instance - but in this case cable/phone/internet will be included with rent. That's like 150 bucks free right there. I'm just trying to weigh the pros and cons in my mind...but trying not to be really super excited. I really really really want this house.

Pros:
privacy
freedom to paint/nail/hammer etc.
private, fenced yard
private driveway
8 closets
washer/dryer included
air conditioning
3 bedrooms
large living and dining room
new refrigerator
new bath tub
1 1/2 bath
trash pick up

Cons:
no dishwasher
high rent (1200/month, phone/internet/cable included)
water bill (we've never had to pay a water/sewage bill before)
trash pick up bill (never had one of those either)
yard to mow (purchase lawn mower)
gas stove/heating (i HATE gas)
smaller bedrooms than we're used to (but with 8 closets this may not be an issue...plus we can always put a dresser in another room, or even in the living room)

So, I'm not sure. I haven't seen the house yet...and won't be seeing it until around March. At which point we will also go campaigning/touring town homes and apartments in nicer areas than where we previously lived. Bottom line, I really think I want a house. Really. So a working I will go.

I put in applications here in town, so if I get hired by the end of January I can work 5-6 months and put those paychecks in our savings account without even spending them.

Gosh, I am just a font of so many different emotions.

I am definitely thankful to be given such a great chance at what seems to be a brighter future. Thanks, universe. I love you.

Twilight film review with a twist

Hello readers. All two of you! I'd like to preface this review by saying I had purchased the soundtrack to the film via iTunes on November 4th, the day the soundtrack was released. Prior to the purchase I had only heard two songs from the soundtrack: Decode by Paramore and Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. Okay, and the two classical songs included on the album as well. It's a sad day when an individual can say they've never heard Claire de Lune or La Traviata before. Those I had heard as well.

As I listened through the songs for the first time, eyes wide with anticipation, I was impressed. The music included on this album is actually not your typical teen lovey dovey crap. While featuring two soulful acoustic songs by Rob Pattinson himself, the album also includes some music from known and unknown artists (at least unknown to me).

As I listened to the songs repeatedly while driving my car, surfing the net, cleaning the house, I became curious which songs would be played during the course of the film, and which would be played during the credits. One song in particular I thought would be the perfect song for the prom dance scene at the end of the film...and sure enough when I saw the movie they did indeed play "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine. Flightless bird, I mean come on, Bella has a broken leg during Prom...I mean it was just perfect.

Moving forward, I absolutely loved the film. I took my mother with me Thursday night for the midnight showing, and drove through big snow at 35 MPH. As everyone knows by now, the film grossed $7 million dollars in midnight showings alone. I am confident more people in my area would have made the journey to the theatre had the weather been more cooperative. Nevertheless, several screens were being used that night just for Twilight, though ours was only about 3/4 full.

The previews I had watched (repeatedly) prepared me for the parts of the film I was apprehensive about - tree-climbing, "spider-monkey," too-red lips, etc. As a fan of the novel I wanted and hoped for a faithful adaptation, but I know as an avid reader and movie fan that changes to the story would be inevitable.

At the start of the film, I loved that Bella was narrating. Before I knew she was narrating I thought narration would be an effective way to illustrate Bella's thoughts throughout the film. So much of the novel is just that - Bella's thoughts. As Bella is journeying from Arizona to Forks, Washington, The Black Ghosts' "Full Moon" is playing and I get chills. I literally wanted to shout, "yes!" that's how perfect that song was for that moment. Bella's reunion with her father, Charlie, is brief and terse, and the film is quick to give us all what we desire - our first glimpse of Edward Cullen.

Dark lips and pale skin resent, every female in the theatre still managed to squeal with delight - including myself. For the most part the supporting roles are what I expected, and Angela is particularly charming. I did also love how Edward smirked as Jessica says that famous line that nobody at the school is good enough for Edward. It's the perfect hint that he not only hears her perfectly, but is inside her head.

After Edward's mysterious absence (during which we view a montage of days passing while listening to Blue Foundation's "Eyes on Fire") he returns and attempts to be polite, which was absolutely adorable, yet a little painful. As Edward saves Bella, thus revealing his attachment to her as well as his true self, "Tremble for my Beloved" (Collective Soul) plays effectively.

I am generally pleased with Rob Pattinson's performance in this film. Asking any actor to play something as unfathomable as a vegetarian vamp is almost asking too much. Kristin Stewart's performance as Bella is amiable, but not quite what I expected. I realize that these roles are taken by the actor and molded into something they feel is believable, but Kristin's interpretations of Bella's outbursts (particularly the one in the hospital bed near the end of the film) are a little much.

Once Edward and Bella become an item the film becomes more seamless, flawless. Their first day arriving to school together (accompanied by Mutemath's "Spotlight" - so perfect!) in the same vehicle is intense, with everyone staring at them. Edward smiles for I think the first time in the movie, which makes him appear ten times more charming than before when he was just brooding, blood-thirsty Edward. We then experience another montage of the two of them spending time together and discussing all things vampire. And I have to say, the bedroom kiss/makeout scene is steamy enough to make this 26-year-old married woman remind herself the actors aren't really under age - at least Rob isn't.

I wish we could've still had the line about Bella having 3 eyes when she meets Esme and Carlisle, but the "meet the family" scene was rewritten for the screen beautifully. We get a real feel for the family's dynamics in such a small amount of time - especially Rosalie.

My favorite scene (aside from baseball) was seeing Edward sparkle. I think it could've definitely been a little more spectacular - it is THE best, most intimate part of the book after all. But instead we get a weird montage of the two of them cuddling, and all of Edward sparkles except his lips. Why aren't his lips sparkly, too? That really bugged me.

And about that baseball game! One word - AWESOME. I love the slow-mo effects, the running at high speed, and hello Rosalie! The outfits were so hot. I don't recall uniforms being in the book, but it worked for them. I had been curious about when during the movie Muse's "Supermassive Black Hole" would play, and was pleasantly surprised to hear it come on for baseball. I only wish Bella and Esme would have had their talk about childbirth at some point in the film if not during baseball.

Some other things I wish could have been included: the scene in which Carlisle reveals more of his past to Bella, and we see his office with all that spectacular artwork; more extensive storytelling on Jacob's part; more thorough explanation of the vampires special abilities (Jasper's wasn't even included in the film); a harder getaway scene at the hotel at the end - vampires are not that easy to trick! And for some reason it also really bugs me that Charlie and Bella eat at a restaurant all the time rather than her fixing him his dinner every night. The fact that she cooks for her dad every night really says something about her relationship with him, and to not have her doing that in the film makes her seem more indifferent to him than she truly is.

Almost every song on the soundtrack is played throughout the film. I recognized Rob's "Never Think" playing in the background of the restaurant as Edward finally began to reveal a bit of himself to Bella. His other song, "Let Me Sign" plays appropriately during the scene where Bella is dying from the vampire venom in her blood. Paramore's "I Caught Myself" is playing in the background of the dress shop in Port Angeles, and "Go All the Way (Into the Twilight)" by Perry Farrell is cranking during Prom (though the version on the album is actually edited to say "into the twilight"). "La Traviata" plays while the Cullens are preparing dinner for Bella, and "Claire de Lune" is played briefly in Edward's bedroom.

Bella's lullaby makes me want to weep tears of sorrow and joy. It captures so smoothly Edwards emotions and feelings for Bella. It is a sweet yet nearly creepy song that leaves one to wonder what torments the composer, which is simply perfect. The whole scene in which Edward plays the lullaby for Bella is pretty flawless except that they never discuss he wrote the song for her and sings it for her at night.



The credits are paired first with Linkin Park's "Leave out All the Rest" and then with Paramore's "Decode." I thought that was particularly strange considering "Decode" was written specifically for the film. It should have been played first, yet a song that isn't even included on the album plays while the main credits roll.

Oh and ONE more thing - I really wished they would have done the whole blindfold thing before prom. I would have loved to see Alice's bedroom at the house, and see her beautifying Bella against her will.

Since the midnight release I have seen the film two more times. Once with my husband (who enjoyed the movie more than he thought he would) and once with my sister-in-law (who loved it). The movie gets better each time, and I hope to watch it once more before it leaves the theatres.

I hope you've enjoyed this musical review of Twilight and look forward to any conversation/feedback in the comments. And don't get me started on what I hope to see from New Moon. if Taylor Lautner isn't playing Jacob I may actually cry.